Magically delicious!

I almost let St. Patrick's Day go by without using my puking leprechaun icon!!! What was I THINKING??!For the record, I spent my St. Pat's day rather uneventfully -- went to daily Mass, cleaned a bit, cooked a bit, and watched Doctor Who. And despite receiving a dispensation from the bishop, I still refrained from meat on this Lenten Friday... I'm not much for corned beef, but I'm all about vegetable quiche.Anyhoo, happy St. Patrick's Day... even if it's almost over. Father in heaven,You sent the great bishop Patrickto the people of Ireland to share his faithand to spend his life in loving service.May our lives bear witnessto the faith we profess,and our love bring othersto the peace and joy of Your Gospel.We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

Further on Dan Brown...

...and his astounding ability to mangle prose to the point that it loses all coherence.Currently I'm at Chapter 40, and I assure you I've been skimming liberally, so who knows what kind of gems of language abuse I've missed. But I'll write another post on that later (Dan Brown's "inspired" descriptions in particular are full of juicy spork-worthy goodness, and deserve their very own post).For now, let's chat a bit about the actual structure of this here acclaimed, blockbuster novel. Frankly, it's the most redundant and contrived piece of crap I've ever read. It makes Mary Higgins Clark look like a mystery-writing genius. The entire reason that Dan Brown "keeps up the pace" with his story is because he's constantly jerking the reader around. He writes stuff like, "And then, he saw it," and doesn't explain what IT is until 15 pages later, at which point he introduces some other crucial piece of information as a tantalising hint which he doesn't fully reveal until much later, and so on and so forth. This isn't an original device -- plenty of other writers have employed it, myself included -- but with dear old Dan, there is absolutely no subtlety at all. Everything about it screams, "LOOK! There's something here that you don't know and I'm not telling you so you have to keep reading to find out, nyah nyah nyah!"Case and point: We find out that Agent Sophie Neveu, brilliant cryptographer and fashion-challenged eventual love interest, had a falling out with her grandfather over something dark and secretive she saw him participating in. We get this passage on page 75:Their relationship had evaporated in a single instant one March night when she was twenty-two. Ten years ago. Sophie had come home a few days early from graduate university in England and mistakenly witnessed her grandfather engaged in something Sophie was obviously not supposed to see. It was an image she could barely believe to this day.Now, this "single instant" of such horror which caused Sophie to completely reject her beloved grandfather is redundantly mentioned again on page 108, and twice (in completely separate paragraphs) on 113. On 140-143 we get a description of what happened leading up to the moment, but when it seems the reader is about to discover what Sophie saw that terrified her so, Brown once AGAIN skirts around the revelation and uses phrases like, "she felt the image searing itself into her memory forever," and leaves it at that. Until, of course, it gets yet another redundant passing reference on 154, telling us nothing new about the event, but reminding us that Dan Brown has a clumsy upper hand, and will force the poor reader to slog through his mind-numbing prose to find out just what the hell Sophie witnessed.Of course, at this point the reader is supposed to have a feeling of intrigue and curiosity. Personally, I want to throttle Dan Brown and scream, "Just tell us, you MORON!" Yes, I know that I don't know what precisely Sophie saw (though I can guess reasonably accurately, I expect), so quit mentioning it repeatedly as though you're telling me something new and mind-blowing.Maybe it would be more tolerable if half of his little mysteries weren't so transparent. No... on second thought, it would still be unbearable.But the triumph of redundancy and wasted verbiage (thus far -- Dan might top himself later) is the Priory of Sion key. Sophie flashbacks to her first finding of her grandfather's secret society key on page 109, and a description on 110:Its large golden head was in the shape of a cross, but not a normal cross, this was an even-armed one, like a plus sign. Embossed in the middle of the cross was a strange symbol-- two letters intertwined with some kind of flowery design.The paragraph goes on to reveal that flower is a fleur-de-lis and the letters are P.S. Sophie mentions the object, and Langdon guesses what kind of flower it was; he reveals on 113 that the P.S. and fleur-de-lis are the symbols of the Priory of Sion.Sure, fine, whatever. But on page 132, when Sophie finds the key again, we have:...the chain was affixed to a familiar gold key. The broad, sculpted head was in the shape of a cross and bore an engraved (note: I thought it was embossed?) seal she had not seen since she was nine years old. A fleur-de-lis with the initials P.S.DUH. What a shocker.And then 139:"He left you a physical object?"Sophie gave a curt nod. "Embossed with a fleur-de-lis and the initials P.S."Langdon couldn't believe his ears.And the readers couldn't believe that Dan Brown apparently lost all short term memory whilst he was writing this section. But surely, this is the end of the same description, yes?NO! On the same page:Even as she drove, Sophie's mind remained locked on the key in her pocket, her memories of seeing it many years ago, the gold head shaped as an equal-armed cross, the triangular shaft, the indentations, the embossed flowery seal, and the letters P.S.Just in case you missed it the first three times. But we aren't finished yet, oh no. On page 144, Langdon sees the key for the first time.When Langdon turned the key, he felt his jaw drop. There, intricately embossed on the center of the cross, was a stylised fleur-de-lis with the initials P.S.!It's the exclamation point that really gets me. In the FIFTH description of the key within 30 pages, Dan Brown uses added emphasis in his syntax, as though the reader is supposed to be just as blown away by the key's symbols as Langdumb.Although I do have to admit that my jaw dropped along with Langdon's. But that was because the terrible, terrible writing had induced a seizure.

Dan Brown = Le Suck

Langdon had always considered the Tuileries to be sacred ground. These were the gardens in which Claude Monet had experimented with form and colour, and literally inspired the birth of the Impressionist movement.*headdesk*Dear Dan Brown:Although the term "Impressionist" was derived from a work by Claude Monet (Impression, Sunrise, exhibited in 1874 along with a number of other works by artists such as Sisley, Renoir, Pisarro, Morisot and Degas), the inspiration for the "birth" of the Impressionist movement would more accurately be attributed to Eduard Manet, if anyone. His work reflects a changing manner of painting, with visible brushstrokes and sketch-like, atmospheric style. The rejection of his Luncheon on the Grass by the Paris Salon in 1863 in part led to the creation of the Salon des Refuses (Salon of the Rejected), through which Monet, etc., were able to exhibit their works in the next decade.Also, Manet did a ton of sketches of the Tuileries Gardens, and one of his major early works is Music in the Tuileries.Please take an art history course.Thanks ever so,Pained ReaderPS: Claude Monet experimented with light, open spaces, and brushstrokes WAY more than form.PPS: Monet also studied Turner in England, whose work is also clearly a foundation for the Impressionist movement.PPPS: You suck.Now I remember why I didn't finish The Da Vinci Code in the first place. Urge to spork... rising...ETA: ...an arrow-like widow's peak that divided his jutting brow and preceded him like the prow of a battleship. As he advanced, his dark eyes seemed to scorch the earth before him, radiating a fiery clarity that forecast his repuation for unblinking severity in all matters.Okay, be honest now: who else has an image of a guy with really pointy hair sticking straight out of his forehead and lasers shooting from his eyes? And WTF does that last clause really mean, anyway?lizbee, I do prefer Phryne.

Depression...

Depression is such a quagmire. It takes hold of you and sometimes it seems like the more you struggle to escape, the faster you find yourself submerged in the anxiety, the hurt, the self-doubt.The real problem is when you stop wondering how quickly you can get out of the bog, and start wondering how long it will take to sink into it entirely.

Well, ...

Well, the moving day is Monday, March 13, after which I shall be officially relocated to the greater Houston area.Naturally, I've tons of packing and preparation left to do. But what else did you expect?Tonight I quit all the packing and trashing and organizing to go out for sushi with Hope and Dawn -- our last night of sushi together, at least until I come back to visit. It was fun, but sad as well.Saturday is my last day at Starbucks South Lamar, and though I plan to have a great old time telling off customers on their cell phones, I'm not looking forward to it as much as I once was. I'm starting to get really nervous and melancholy about the move. I love Austin, I love the friends I have here, the life I have here. I know that it's time for a change for me -- but I am so very upset to leave everything in this town. It's been my heart and home for the first of my adult years. In a way, I finished growing up here.Everything seems kind of topsy-turvy in me right now. I don't know how everything is going to go from here, whereas before I had a vague plan in my head. I'm not lost, per se, but the path ahead of me is a bit obscured in the fog, and I'm not at all sure what lies in the distance. I just have to trust that God knows and will guide me; that he's prepared the right way for me, if I let him lead me there.That is my biggest struggle in the Christian life. I can't hand myself over, I can't easily trust in God's will. I want to completely plan, control and manipulate my situations too much, and I have difficulty dealing with what life hands me if it's not what I want -- particularly if something in which I invest a lot of time, emotion or thought doesn't come to fruition. I'm sure this is true to some extent of everyone, but it's especially prevalent in my life. I have to fight it consciously, all the time, to remain remotely at peace.I am still fighting though.I have an appointment with my therapist on Wednesday so I can talk some of this out before the move actually happens. I think it unwise to let it just sit and fester the whole time.On another medical note, I'd like to take a moment to rant about the medication I'm on for my complexion. The stuff dries out my skin like nothing else -- never in my life have I peeled or flaked like this: I'm shedding skin like a snake. And it's painful! And my skin is all tight and weird-feeling! And my lips are chapped ALL THE TIME!And to make matters worse, I don't really see much difference, aside from the excessively dry, flaky skin. The price of a clear complexion is entirely too high.

I had a glance at the calendar, and I'd like to know:

Man, why does my birthday always gotta fall on Good Friday? *grumps*

Just the way I wanted to begin my weekend.

Well, due to an unfortunate run-in with the bathroom door as I blearily got dressed for work at 6 this morning, my shiny new glasses are now kind of wonky on one side. And scratched.(The scratch is teeny-tiny and out of my main field of vision, and totally unnoticeable, but STILL.)My main problem is the lens that doesn't want to stay completely in place. I went to have them readjusted, but the guy did a crappy job. My own adjustments were better, though it's still problematic. I'll have to have them try to fix it again, when I have the time or energy to go back. Which is not right now.Man, can't I just have ONE day that doesn't involve some kind of crisis of varying proportions?

Real Life: Cell phone annoyances

Okay, I've taken (bad) pictures, but they're going to have to wait till later as laziness and tiredness prevail.There is, however, an important point to this post, geared toward those few of you who also keep in contact with me in real life and via the cell phone.Today, my phone's screen decided to go blank and die on me. The phone itself is fine -- I can still make calls, receive calls, check my voicemail, all that -- I just can't see what I'm doing on the screen. Obviously that means I can't see any of the main menu, much less check missed calls or text messages. So, if you call me, and I don't answer, leave a voicemail -- otherwise, I won't know you called. And don't even bother trying to text me.I'm going to try to get this little issue resolved tomorrow, but I thought I would post a heads-up about it here just in case I'm unable to.ETA: Okay, so it would cost $90 to fix my $60 phone. I think not. I'm just going to have to deal with the blank screen for a bit, until I can replace the thing. Since I can still make and receive calls and check voicemail, it's functional enough for the time being -- just make sure to leave a voicemail and a callback number if I don't answer the phone.

On a more frivolous note...

...I have new glasses!And I would have pictures if not for the fact that I need to charge the batteries for the camera.Just take my word for it that they are awesome. They're quite different from what I usually go with (I've always been a fan of oval, wire-rimmed and unassuming, as evidenced by every icon of myself), but I really, really like the newer look. Whee!I also like being able to see perfectly again; my old prescription was starting to be noticeably different.

Ash Wednesday Thoughts

First, I want to thank all of you for your prayers and well-wishes. I know they've helped bolster me in the past few days. I'm feeling pretty okay now -- still full of concerns, of course -- but otherwise okay. I'm not falling apart, as I feared initially. It's a relief, and the mere fact of it makes me stronger and happier, even among the business and hurt and stress.It's Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent. I drove home this morning from Houston after a good visit with my mom, so I didn't make it to Mass this morning; I work tonight, so I won't be able to make it this evening either. I've received my ashes in my heart, though, and I look ahead with joy at the liturgical season before me.Christians who do not observe the Lenten season often find it difficult to understand, I think. Why should we spend the period before Easter -- before that celebration of Christ's Resurrection and our salvation -- remembering how we are but ashes and dust? Knowing that we are fallen? Repenting for our sins? Giving up things? Fasting? Focusing on the Lord's suffering and death?The truth is that without death, without sorrow and repentance, without giving up things -- namely, ourselves -- to God, we have nothing. The Christian faith is built around the core belief that Jesus Christ died for our sins and rose again. If there was no passion and death, there would be no Resurrection. The celebration would not exist, nor would we be saved.So, too, is it with Lent and Easter. Does not the contrast make the eventual celebration all the more glorious? Does not the reminder that we need Christ's saving power make us rejoice even more when, on Easter, we are reminded that we have received it? We embrace this penitent and sober season knowing that there is boundless joy at the end of it. The Alleluia is gone now, but we know it will return, and we know it will taste sweeter on our lips when it is resurrected with the Lord.When we give up things for Lent, it's not about denying ourselves in the hopes that not eating chocolate for 40 days will make us better Christians. It is a symbolic act, a way of remembering that Christ gave up his life for us. When we give up something worldly, it's a tangible and frequent reminder of Christ's sacrifice and his continual presence, and hopefully reminds and encourages us to strengthen our trust in him.But the symbolism of giving up things isn't limited to abstaining from soda or candy, or TV, or the Internet. It is also about our behaviour to others and to God, our spiritual lives as well. For me, this year, it's about giving up my insecurities to Christ, giving up my fears. It's about giving up my desire to control everything. It's about giving up my doubts and letting his will be done.I'm going to work on devoting time to prayer every day, giving up the time that I usually spend goofing off in order to deepen my relationship with God. I'm also going to go to a daily (aside from Sunday) Mass at least once a week. Hopefully this won't just be a Lenten journey, but a habit that can continue into the Easter season and beyond.I have no ashes on my head, but I have them in my heart, and I accept them with the knowledge that God is with me, and will raise me from them.

when it rains, it pours

Last night, I had a severely angry customer who went crazy and laid into me.It was just the last straw and I couldn't take it, so I freaked out dramatically with the non-stop crying and all that fun stuff. I called Eddie in and went home early, because I just couldn't deal with it.Brandon and I aren't the only thing that's had trouble this week. At the same time that I was worried over that, my brother was running away from home for the second time in five days.We also learned that he and his friends are messing around with drugs. Marijuana right now -- but he's apparently expressed interest in acid.It absolutely churns my stomach that Hunter has fallen this far down. I mean, I knew he was depressed and that he was having a lot of emotional trouble, but I'd honestly thought he had enough sense to stay away from that path of escape.And my mother's been worried sick over both of us, and I've been worried about her, because I know she's already stretched thin as it is.I wish this sort of stuff didn't all have to come at once. If Brandon and I weren't taking time apart, I would have him as a support; if my family weren't dealing with larger problems, I'd have them as a support whilst I go through this with Brandon. But instead I feel guilty for being upset, and for putting my problems on anyone.I think it's time for another visit to the therapist, because it's hard to fight the feelings of being alone, and the feeling that it's my fault. I know none of that's true, but it's hard to get out of this way of thinking, and I need to. I am doing much better than last time though.Several people have been asking me whether I still intend to move to Houston even though Brandon and I aren't taking things so quickly and seriously anymore. The answer is yes, because he wasn't the only reason I was going back. I was going back to help my mother -- and now, my brother too -- and no matter how much I may whine and complain about them, I was looking forward to being close to my family again. Those are my main reasons, though without Brandon I might not have realised them. And now that I'm not looking at marriage anytime soon, I can look at my options there career-wise. There are people who I know or my mother knows, who can give me a foot in the door to magazine-type work, and that sort of thing.And if things work out with Brandon, then that'll just be the icing on the cake.Anyway, if you're religious, keep us in your prayers. I'm going to visit Mom again tomorrow and Tuesday, so hopefully that'll help.

musings on the complexities of relationships

Brandon and I are going through a difficult period. It all boils down to one thing:We've been taking everything too much, too fast.He says he doesn't want to break up, but he wants to back down from all the love and marriage talk that we've been doing, and give us more time. He says he's confused. That he needs to prioritize his life and get himself settled -- get out of school, start working, all that.Which is fine. Understandable.I reacted badly on the phone when he last talked to me on Wednesday night. It came up quite suddenly and it was late; I didn't know what to do or what to say. I was hit with an emotional battering ram and it really broke me apart.Now, however, I've had more time to think about it... and I know he's right. So much of me is still ridiculously insecure in relationships -- I've been pushing for all the seriousness and commitment because I thought that he wanted and needed it, and that I did too. I thought that if we had that, we'd both find safety and stability and that would be enough. In reality what has happened is we're drowning ourselves in our respective insecurities -- making them worse, even. I need to learn to feel confident and safe in this -- in just dating, in just being a girlfriend, in just being a friend -- before I can begin to think about being secure in a marriage.I think what we have together is real -- but neither of us is comfortable enough or ready enough to keep up this pace. We need to back up a little, slow down a little, and stop looking so far ahead.I wish I could tell him that he's right, that I just want to date him and be together and be happy and not worry about any more than that right now. But he said he needed a few days to think, so I've backed off and now I'm on tenterhooks. It's the waiting that hurts the most -- I don't know if I've already screwed everything up. I'm so afraid that I have. It tears me up inside.I do love him. I don't want to lose what we have -- I want to slow it down, and give it time to settle and grow -- but I don't want to lose it.Why do relationships have to be so difficult?

Yesterd...

Yesterday Brandon shared a piece of music with me that almost made me cry... because it was so bad. Though on the bright side, at least I'll get the chance to inflict the misery upon you all, mwahahaha! let y'all listen to it once it's complete. Heh heh heh.I'm blogging from Denton at the moment, drinking bad coffee and waiting for Brandon to get out of class. I find it somewhat ironic that even though I'm out of school, classes are still managing to affect my schedule. Though at least I don't have homework or tests or essays unless you count the, uh, "help" I might be offering to Brandon for his literature class.I'm thinking I might do a phone post later on. Stay tuned.

It's hot when guys sing in different languages

So, as part of his ongoing fundraising effort for Polaris (Brandon's eventual drum corps and ensembles), Brandon's going to have a concert thingy, with some aid from my mother -- who as most of you know, owns coffee shops in the Houston area, and thus has an instant venue of sorts. In any case, he sent me a recording of a song called "Mi Mancherai" a couple nights ago, informing me that this would be part of the program for said concert.Behold, the pretty. It's such a sad song, but is it ever gorgeous. If you can listen to it without getting a little misty-eyed, then you have no soul....Of course, I could be biased. Meh.Lyrics: Mi mancherai se te ne vaiMi mancherà la tua serenitàLe tue parole come canzoni al ventoE l'amore che ora porti viaMi mancherai se te ne vaiOra per sempre non so come vivereE l'allegria, amica mia, va via con teMi mancherai, mi mancherai, perchè vai viaPerchè l'amore in te si è spentoPerchè, perchè...Non cambierà niente lo soE dentro sento teMi mancherai, mi mancherai, perchè vai viaPerchè l'amore in te si è spentoPerchè, perchè...Non cambierà niente lo soE dentro sento teMi mancherà l'immensitàDei nostri giorni e notti insieme noiI tuoi sorrisi quando si fa buioLa tua ingenuità da bambina, tu...Mi mancherai amore mioMi guardo e trovo un vuoto dentro meE l'allegria, amica mia, va via con teI will miss you if you goI will miss your serenityYour words like songs to the windAnd the love that you take away with youI will miss you if you goNow and foreverI don't know how I'd liveAnd my friend HappinessWill go with youI will miss you, I will miss youWhy are you going away?Why has the love in you died?Why, why?Nothing will change, I knowAnd inside I feel youI will miss the intensityOf our days and nights togetherYour smiles when it's darkYour childlike innocence, youI will miss you, my loveI look at myself and find a void inside meAnd my friend HappinessWill go with you

GIP

Because I've been on a Mystery Science Theatre 3000 kick for the past few weeks (this one's from the best worst action-crime-drama ever, Mitchell); and since the MST3K is largely enabled by Brandon's growing library of DVDs, the double entendre was too good to pass up. ;)

I'm g...

I'm going to church this morning, so that I can use my afternoon to drive over to Denton and arrive roughly around the time when Brandon gets off work.I am so looking forward to getting out of this town today. But not because I get to see Brandon -- pshaw, whatever. Who cares about that? I'm just glad to be getting AWAY from the evil cedar pollen for a few days. Maybe by Tuesday I won't be athsmatic and my throat won't be sore. That would be awesome.

Still with t...

Still with the sickness, except I'm starting to think that it's not just a cold: I'm concerned that I may have developed an allergy to cedar. Almost everyone at work is suffering from the same symptoms and it's all because of the cedar fever.In better news, though, I've made myself a big pot of baked potato soup, with celery and broccoli. And it is good. I can cook, people! I'm finally catching up to the kitchen in our culinary war. The score now stands:Teri: 6Kitchen: 9371097958I am so gaining on it! Oh, Kitchen, you've won your last battle!

Well, I've fi...

Well, I've finally gotten sick. Sore throat, headache, conjestion, body aches. Oh, and yes, I do still have to work at 2.30 and close tonight. Good times.I'm slurping down mint tea like it's going out of style. When I get to work this afternoon, I'll make our Starbucks secret cold concoction. One bag wild sweet orange tea steeped in half a cup of water, two packs of honey, and the rest filled with steamed lemonade concentrate. One of the benefits of working behind the bar is that we can come up with crazy stuff like this.I've felt really out of sorts for the past week. I'm not entirely sure of all the reasons why -- last week was sort of an unexpected emotional rollercoaster and it made even my visit with Brandon a little weird over the weekend. I think it's just a post-holiday slump, currently exacerbated by the fact that I've caught this illness.*wanders off to drink more tea*

Rarely do I get headaches, but I have a killer one at present that's making me see spots. Paaaaaiiiin.I now have a tiny understanding of the pain of migraine sufferers.Closing shifts tonight and tomorrow night. Then I'm going to do that thing, you know, where I drive to Denton at midnight on Saturday. I told the boy that he could just leave the door open and the air mattress set up for me, and I'd just come in and crash without waking him. We'll see how this ends up.Monday I'd wanted to take him to an art show in Fort Worth -- except I just checked the Kimbell Museum's site, and they're closed on Mondays. I am unhappy.I suppose we'll find something else to do...