Ash Wednesday Thoughts

First, I want to thank all of you for your prayers and well-wishes. I know they've helped bolster me in the past few days. I'm feeling pretty okay now -- still full of concerns, of course -- but otherwise okay. I'm not falling apart, as I feared initially. It's a relief, and the mere fact of it makes me stronger and happier, even among the business and hurt and stress.It's Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent. I drove home this morning from Houston after a good visit with my mom, so I didn't make it to Mass this morning; I work tonight, so I won't be able to make it this evening either. I've received my ashes in my heart, though, and I look ahead with joy at the liturgical season before me.Christians who do not observe the Lenten season often find it difficult to understand, I think. Why should we spend the period before Easter -- before that celebration of Christ's Resurrection and our salvation -- remembering how we are but ashes and dust? Knowing that we are fallen? Repenting for our sins? Giving up things? Fasting? Focusing on the Lord's suffering and death?The truth is that without death, without sorrow and repentance, without giving up things -- namely, ourselves -- to God, we have nothing. The Christian faith is built around the core belief that Jesus Christ died for our sins and rose again. If there was no passion and death, there would be no Resurrection. The celebration would not exist, nor would we be saved.So, too, is it with Lent and Easter. Does not the contrast make the eventual celebration all the more glorious? Does not the reminder that we need Christ's saving power make us rejoice even more when, on Easter, we are reminded that we have received it? We embrace this penitent and sober season knowing that there is boundless joy at the end of it. The Alleluia is gone now, but we know it will return, and we know it will taste sweeter on our lips when it is resurrected with the Lord.When we give up things for Lent, it's not about denying ourselves in the hopes that not eating chocolate for 40 days will make us better Christians. It is a symbolic act, a way of remembering that Christ gave up his life for us. When we give up something worldly, it's a tangible and frequent reminder of Christ's sacrifice and his continual presence, and hopefully reminds and encourages us to strengthen our trust in him.But the symbolism of giving up things isn't limited to abstaining from soda or candy, or TV, or the Internet. It is also about our behaviour to others and to God, our spiritual lives as well. For me, this year, it's about giving up my insecurities to Christ, giving up my fears. It's about giving up my desire to control everything. It's about giving up my doubts and letting his will be done.I'm going to work on devoting time to prayer every day, giving up the time that I usually spend goofing off in order to deepen my relationship with God. I'm also going to go to a daily (aside from Sunday) Mass at least once a week. Hopefully this won't just be a Lenten journey, but a habit that can continue into the Easter season and beyond.I have no ashes on my head, but I have them in my heart, and I accept them with the knowledge that God is with me, and will raise me from them.